You plant bondage addict. XP

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Hey mom! Look what I drew!

*looks* Ohhh! What a lovely Giraffe!

..........*is holding up a picture of a hat*

Because I'm not one to talk as far as artistic criticism, I feel more obliged to focus on the writing portions of the series of pages amounting to the prelude. Just two things I guess I wanna point out.

1) The dot-dot-dotting at the end of every sentence kind of kills the mood. Like, the dot-dot-dot implies that the mood should be kind of mysterious/listless, if that makes any sense. Like the writer trailed off in thought, which is a good effect for more dramatic or sad scenarios. But doing that after every sentence throws ME off, personally. To have more to say after the dot-dot-dot says to me that the writer, though having trailed off, still has more to say, which makes it less dramatic. I hope I'm making a lick of sense, haha. Well, my advice would be to use the dot-dot-dot at the END of the paragraph only.

2) The story plot sounds AMAZING! I've gotta give you credit on that. You tell it very confidently, and that says to me that you know the story like the back of your hand--and that makes it more credible.

Anywho, sorry if I'm reading WAY too much into this, but I figured I'd share my thoughts, hehe. Love you, my Vivacious Vicky!

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"I've got plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me." -Frank Sinatra

SHOOSH. NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT MY PAST-TIME!

I mean..

whatever are you talking about, you loony?

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Looking for people to Join a Kingdom Hearts Roleplay on dAmn
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You have an opinion? Click here: [link]

I can always use critique XD I'm a craptacular writer, but my artistic skills are interesting to say the least.

As for the mood, I was trying to go for... giving the impression that he was tired, dazed, somewhat shocked yet lacking the intention to show it. Since he's one of the "Nobodies" who seems to believe that the lack of a heart = lack of emotions, even if that's not the case. Perhaps you might have a better way to convey this? I'd be very eager to hear of it.

Awe, shucks... honestly, I'm making it up as I go. I have certain issues I want to go over while keeping the main goal and theme involved, but I have no idea as to an end. Kinda... just go with the flow, yeah?

Thank you so much for the long comment xD I love hearing back, especially if it makes me improve! <3

--
Looking for people to Join a Kingdom Hearts Roleplay on dAmn
[link]

You have an opinion? Click here: [link]

>w< Riiiiight. Plant bondage is awesome though. >w>

Oi! Look at my gallery! I command you! *Pokes* In the FACE even!!!

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Hey mom! Look what I drew!

*looks* Ohhh! What a lovely Giraffe!

..........*is holding up a picture of a hat*

Very interesting turn, this. It'll be cool to see the next pages!

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Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; those who live in houses of cards shouldn't throw anything.

Food for thought: did you know that you're living proof that your parents HAD SEX? >:3 Oh yes, they did! Whatcha gonna do about it?

I agree with Shana, the dots really do throw off the mood. I don't see anything else flawed in it other that this one small little typo, but I doubt anyone else noticed and I could be wrong. ( >.< )

Other than that, yay for completing the prelude! And you've added color. ( ^.~ ) I can't hardly wait for chapter one. How's that going for you anyways?? Are you going to be adding color to the rest of the doujin?

Here's a suggestion: why not get a proofreader/editor/beta-reader? Since you're working on this alone, I think it would work a whole lot better for you if you had a second pair of eyes watching your progress while making suggestions and critique. Your work looks good already, but with those second pair of eyes it'll be even better. Hehe, I hope I don't sound mean or insulting while I'm saying this, sorry.

I'll offer to be your beta-reader if you'd like. I'm pretty much listless this summer (even if I do get a part-time job, I'll still be withering away under the sun >.< ). I am bored...and I need someone to give me work to do. Editing can be fun and it would be awesome to work alongside you. ( ^__^ )

I hope you think about this! <3

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_{Wasting away like a withering leave...how pitiful.
Things don't always go the way you want them to...}

I forgot to mention this: what a cliffie!!! What a way to end the prelude!

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_{Wasting away like a withering leave...how pitiful.
Things don't always go the way you want them to...}

Yeah okay. That last pic of Zexion.
HAWT
OMG
Send some of that over to my house. Good god.

Dear you,
Your awesomeness is quite exciting.
<3, Me.
Ps: I love Roses btw.

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I support Sora/Namine angst.
I can understand Axel/Roxas angst.

I ship Axel/Namine.

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*flails arms* Zexion T___T

He looks so...so sad...all alone T_T;; Poor thing...

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"I saw you guys doing it and I thought: water slide! It's part of my DNA I think." -Hank, Episode: Home is Where the Hate Is, The Venture Brothers.